"Peeing is a lot like enlightenment," I say, "when you're about to go, it's the only thing that matters."
Karen laughs. She thinks I'm being funny, which I am, but I am also being dead serious. When you have to pee, you're on a mission. You'll do anything to pee. You drop everything else, you think of nothing else, and you can't relax until it happens. If something or someone holds you back from peeing, you might consider killing them. The same is true with enlightenment.
* * *
This goes further.
When you start peeing, there is simultaneous relief and the knowledge that it can't really be stopped. I was once running errands in Los Angeles before a big Asia trip and I had to pee. I had to stop in at Dancing Shiva to get some herbs, and decided I would go there. Dancing Shiva was closed, and at this point I was about to explode. I pulled over in the alley and began peeing against a garage. Sweet relief. Voices. Shit. Someone opened a door just three feet from me and walked out. They stopped and stared at me. I continued peeing.
"What the fuck are you doing?" the man asked.
"What the fuck does it look like I'm doing?"
"Stop." He looked angry.
"You're pissing on my garage. Stop."
"No. I can't just stop peeing once I started. It hurts. You know that."
"You need to stop right now."
"No I don't." I can't believe I'm peeing still. This is a serious piss. Why is it so clear? Is that bad?
"If you don't stop, I'm going to kick your ass."
"No you're not. I'm twice your size. My cock is the size of your arm. I could beat the shit out of you while holding my dick and pissing. You're going to stand there until I finish, and then I am going to turn around and walk away. It's an alley. Relax." Never try and stop someone while they are peeing - it's not nice.
Finished. "See, I'm finished now. Have a good day." I shook, zipped, and got in my car and drove away." I should bring this up in class. There's probably a good metaphor here. I can't believe I'm actually a teacher. I piss on people's garages while threatening to beat them up. I'm going to hell.
Once you start, no matter what happens, you can't stop.
* * *This goes further, still.
In India, you can pee wherever you want. I like this and I hate this. I like this for obvious reasons: when you got to go, truly wherever you are, you simply pull it out and go. I hate this for obvious reasons: you walk in other people's piss all day.
You can imagine India as a metaphor for almost all spirituality (sort of the Mecca for the western "Spiritual but not religious" types): whip it out and piss whenever and wherever you want. There's no build, there's no one-pointed got to piss sprints for the restroom to finally experience the sweet release of being empty. Whenever your heart desires, you simply whip it out and go. It's all right there for you: you don't have to think, surrender, let go, become consumed to the point of peeing on someone's garage without any concern for human nicety and formality. Nope, it's all right there: here's this teaching you'll never apply to your life; here's this mantra you'll repeat forever and still remain completely attached to basically everything including the mantra; here's this guru you'll just end up projecting all your parent wants and issues on; here's this ________ .
It has to build. It has to not only become the most important thing, it has to become the only thing that matters - like peeing. Think about this next time your scrambling to unzip while hoping you won't piss on yourself.